Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was part of the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the illness.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and not wanting to fully comprehend that at the moment," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is definitely a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, says rather he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his current wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition progresses.
"Perhaps that's surprise or maybe I handle situations in another way, and once I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Indications
Moody learned he had MND after noticing some weakness in his shoulder area while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the issue, a number of scans revealed nerve cells in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly extremely emotional about it, but it's rather peculiar because I sense that everything is fine," he added.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't feel poorly
"My indications are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle loss in the fingers and the upper arm.
"I continue to be able to accomplishing whatever I want. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Illness Development
MND can progress swiftly.
As per the charity MND Association, the disease kills a third of people within a 365 days and over half within two years of diagnosis, as swallowing and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only retard deterioration.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," added an affected Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Effect
Conversing from the household with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by emotion when he mentioned informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the devastating news, stating: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two brilliant boys and that was rather devastating," Moody stated.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog leapt across and commenced cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody explained the focus was being in the now.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very strongly directed on just accepting and savoring all aspects now," he stated.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the sole choice I made when I concluded playing was to spend as much time with the kids as attainable. We don't get those times back."
Athlete Link
Top-level sportspeople are disproportionately impacted by MND, with studies suggesting the incidence of the illness is up to sixfold higher than in the wider community.
It is considered that by reducing the oxygen obtainable and producing harm to neural pathways, consistent, strenuous training can trigger the disease in those already predisposed.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his brave, unwavering style to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once initiated a practice confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a tackle pad and began participating in physical contacts.
After entering as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the line-out in the crucial phase of play, setting a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the match-winning field goal.
Backing Network
Moody has already informed Johnson, who led England to that championship, and a few other former players about his diagnosis, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the moment, just having that kind of care and acknowledgment that people are available is all that matters," he said.
"This game is such a wonderful group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it finished now, I've appreciated all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to label your enthusiasm your profession, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a duration with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I am aware they will wish to support in every way they can and I anticipate having those conversations."
